Episode: 14,278 Part 2 – Soul to Soul

He said to the opponent lawyer, “Sir, I regret to inform you that our clients are in danger of agreement.”

“Doctor, doctor, I have a nervous problem at work. I’m a drill operator.” The doctor said, “Does the drill make too much noise?” And he said, “No, the guy next to me hums.”

An older lady put an ad in the newspaper for a husband. She got 100 responses and they all said the same: “You can have mine.”

The older brother was trying to help his younger sister learn subtraction. He said, “If you had 7 pieces of candy and I asked you for 2, how many would you have left?” She looked him straight in the eye and said “Seven.”

The mother said “Isn’t this toy too complicated for a child?” The salesman says “No, this toy is designed to adjust a child to living in today’s world: No matter how he puts it back together again, it’s wrong.”

Why did the bunny rabbit ask to be changed into a goon within 24 hours? So he could be hare today, and goon tomorrow.

A little boy was late to school, and he was running as fast as he could. He took a shortcut under a barbed wire fence, and the barbed wire fence caught his britches, putting a big tear in them. As he’s running into the classroom the teacher says “I see you’re a little behind this morning.” And he says “It was the barbed wire fence.”

“Whenever I’m down in the dumps I buy clothes.” A woman at another bridge table says “I was wondering where she got them.”

He says “Honey, honey, I’m about to lose my job! The company’s found something that’ll do the work of five men.” And she says “One woman?”

A man came home from work. His wife asked him “How was work today, dear?” and he said “Terrible. They gave us all aptitude tests and I flunked.” She said “That’s dreadful.” And he said “Yes, it’s a good thing I own the company.”

“Do not conform to [badness], but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.” And think only about good things!